I am sitting here, on this beautiful day, reflecting on this past week of Lent. I can't help, but be reminded that this time last week I was sad and felt like a failure because my first blanket wasn't done. I was feeling sorry for myself, I was too busy, and I didn't have time, but I was missing the point: this wasn't about me. This Reverse Lent was about loving and caring about children because God loves these children and called them to my heart. Then there was also the fact that I was blessed to be busy with work, not everyone has a job or is able to work, and to be busy with school, not everyone can afford an education. I was selfish to complain. Now, I will admit they there are times when you need to complain, to vent, and to release that frustration, but it isn't healthy or beneficial to stay in that place. I left off last week feeling convicted and decided that I would finish the week smiling instead of complaining. The change in attitude proved effective because this week I am feeling blessed and accomplished.
The blanket for the first week of Lent is finished and simple, but beautiful. The blanket was made using Red Heart yarn in Grey Heather using single crochet stitches made with a crochet hook size G (4.25 mm). I originally intended this blanket for one of the All Kids Need Love comfort kits for foster children, but have since decided that the blankets I make during Reverse Lent will be donated to Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Remembrance (Nilmdts Remembrance). This organization provides comfort kits to families who have lost a newborn or given birth to a stillborn. I was aware of this organization before, but only vaguely. This last week this organization was referred to me by my sister. She knows more about the organization and recognized their need for crochet or knit blankets to include in the comfort kits they send out to families. I knew that I had the ability to help this organization and felt convicted. As I sat thinking about this I realized that this might have been the reason why I had trouble finishing the first blanket on time.
Yes, I still could have donated the blanket later upon discovery of the immediate need, but then the blanket would have been too large to be donated. Since I was behind, I was able to make the blanket in the size specified in the description: 16" x 16" to 20" x 20". This is significantly smaller than the blankets I intended on making for the foster care children. This much smaller size is much easier to manage. I am now back on track to finish a blanket a week during Lent while still maintaining my busy lifestyle. Even when everything seemed turned upside down this weekend, I was still able to work on the blanket for week 2, and handle the painfulness life sometimes brings.
This week I have learned that there are times when we need to be weak, when we need to rely on our friends, and when we need to have faith that there is more than we can see or experience in our current state. I do not usually spend my posts reflecting on life or the shared experiences we have, but I feel that Reverse Lent is an opportunity to share more than just my projects, it is time for reflection. Although, the purpose of this blog is not to discuss life or the lessons we learn, I recognize the need to sometimes discuss life, after all it is a journey we all are experiencing. It would take too long to explain why this weekend was painful or why there was a need to be weak, but I can assure you that the worst of storms will pass leaving you with a rainbow.
I would like to leave you with a final thought, a passage from The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch:
"Proper apologies have three parts:
1) What I did was wrong
2) I feel badly that I hurt you
3) How do I make this better?
Yes, some people may take advantage of you when answering question 3. But most people will be genuinely appreciative of your make-good efforts. They may tell you how to make it better in some small, easy way. And often, they'll work harder to help make things better themselves.
Students would say to me: "What if I apologize and the other person doesn't apologize back?" I'd tell them: "That's not something you can control, so don't let it eat at you."
If other people owe you an apology, and your words of apology to them are proper and heartfelt, you still may not hear from them for awhile. After all, what are the odds that they get to the right emotional place to apologize at the exact moment you do? So just be patient. Many times in my career, I saw students apologize, and then several days later, their teammates came around. Your patience will be both appreciated and rewarded." (The Last Lecture, Pausch, pp. 162-163)
The only thing you can control in life is yourself so apologize when you need to and be patient with those who owe you an apology. You might never receive the apology you deserve, but that isn't within your control so you can't let the mistakes of others eat at you. Live your life in a way that you can be proud of when you are out of time.
